Tonight, I dared to stop. Not Quit. Stop. Not Give Up. Stop.
I dared to stop what I was doing and write this blog. Why? Why does it matter? Because I have to stop. I am on the verge of tears. I want to sob. And, that is not me. I am composed. But, I am also lost. I am lost to marketing; and SEO's and keywords and phrases. I am lost to business savvy. All I did was find what I am good at doing and I want you to benefit from it. I design, I sew, I quilt, and I embroider and I do that all well. And, I want to make the corner of your world --- your "YOUniverse" --- more comfortable, individualized and beautiful.
For those of you who follow me. You know my site and my focus is trifercated. My business started designing and creating small kitchen appliances' covers. As my gifts and talents expanded so did my business. I make pillows and quilts. And, now I embroider sport towels.
What is this mad ambition I have to do everything, at once?! I want to make everyone happy. I want to be all things to all people --- but, that, in itself, is maddening. It just can not be done. Everyone is happy, but, me. Why? Because I don't ever stop.
I am compelled to keep in front of the 8-ball. But, tonight I find myself behind it. I want to financially succeed so we can pay our bills. Who doesn't have bills that need to be paid? But, I try to find a balance that is fair to the both of us.
Do you see the cycle: doing all things; all the time; needing to be better; never being good enough cuz if I were I would have no inventory left on my shelves. Right? No. That is falsity.
Maybe it's okay to take a moment to allow myself to feel I failed. I think this mad dash to stay ahead of this metaphorical 8-ball is so I will not believe that I have failed. But, I have not failed. I have only stopped.
Being all consumed in a failing or failed direction and not realizing it is not healthy for any mind. I do have a lot of financial stress. Perhaps, my message that I have something beautiful to add to your corner of the world is being lost in my frenzied "focus"?
So, yes. I dared to stop. I stopped to write a letter . . . a blog. Perhaps, this is only a "note to self", but, the message has been received. Stop putting so much pressure on myself. I will never achieve perfection. I may achieve Nike status. Why not?! I believe in dreams coming true. But, I just don't have to do it all today. So, I stopped to tell myself it's okay to stop. Take a breath. Look around my studio and lose myself in the magic of creation. Besides, you and I have years, yet to come, to build our relationships. So, when I think to myself: "I'm not going anywhere". That is true. I'm not. I am here stay and for many years yet to come. Why? Because tonight, I dared to stop.